Contradictions

I’m starting this essay with a very important question for you to carefully and very honestly think about: If the world and body you experience were proven to be an illusion, a dream, and you are the dreamer,  how would you feel?

—Quietly observe your response before continuing —

“No evidence will convince you of a truth you do not want!

Shortly after I began studying the Course, I experienced a period of discomfort and actually put the Course aside for a while. At first I was not clear as to the cause of my discomfort, but I was quite certain the problem was not an error in the Course’s teaching. Rather it was a fearful thought that I was denying and afraid to look at.  I realized that I did not want to believe the world was a dream despite the fact that all of my studies, in various disciplines,  pointed in that direction. And the Course, with flawless reason, assured me it was so. Finally, I asked for help:—-  take this from me and look upon it, judging it for me. Let me not see it as a sign of sin and death nor use it for destruction. Teach me how not to make of this an obstacle to peace, but let you use it for me to facilitate its coming. T-19.IV-C

Spirit’s Guidance helped me dispel my fears the only way one can, by looking at them! By facing, not resisting my ego-based fearful thoughts, I discovered their baseless foundation. A world that I felt to be incomprehensible, finally made sense! I am greatly relieved to realize that the world I perceive, a world rooted in suffering and mass destruction, is, indeed, a dream whose only purpose is literally Self deception. The ego or false identification, is afraid of our true identification and by identifying with the ego, the ego’s fear is our fear, not in truth, but in our illusions of ourself. This was a major step in my healing process and just one of numerous examples where my fearful thoughts, seen in the light of truth, transformed to peace. Of all the many causes you perceived as bringing pain and suffering to you, your guilt was not among them. ⁵Nor did you in any way request them for yourself. ⁶This is how all illusions came about. ⁷The one who makes them does not see himself as making them, and their reality does not depend on him. (ACIM, T-27.VII.7:4-7)

A workbook lesson that was very meaningful to me was: “above all else I want to know the truth.” This had been a guiding principle for me long before I studied the Course. And, no doubt, my faith in this idea led me to the Course. I realized there is only one way truth could ever be unknown to me.  Desiring something I held more dear than truth.  My desire to identify with a false illusory self I made. Wait/What!!!  Although I thought the “world” was insane and there must be another way of understanding the world, I did not think “I” was insane! —-Until, that is, I realized, at first conceptually and then experientially, I had two identities: one that is Real that I did not create; and one that was false that I made. The former is abstract (non-specific) a very beautiful Idea in Mind; the latter is a perceptual concept, an image of myself. All who experience the world identify with a body or ego self. We hopefully would all agree that to identify with an illusion of yourself; and deny your true Self, is to be, as they say: out-of-your-mind or insane. We have conflicting goals because we have conflicting identities, only one of which is real. — This leads directly to dissociation, for it represents the acceptance of two goals, each perceived in a different place; separated from each other because you made them different. (ACIM, T-12.VII.7:6-7)

The separation is merely another term for a split mind. The ego is the symbol of separation, just as the Holy Spirit is the symbol of peace. (ACIM, T-5.III.9:3-6) —  How could we have goals that are not in our own best interest? The ego tells us we do not correctly understand the situations and circumstances within which these goals are set. However, the problem is far greater than that! The real problem is: whose goals and for what purpose?  Again, we have conflicting goals because we have conflicting identities.—-You perceive the world and everything in it as meaningful in terms of ego goals. ²These goals have nothing to do with your own best interests, because the ego is not you. ³This false identification makes you incapable of understanding what anything is for (ACIM, W-25.2:1-3)

What do you mean false identification—you exclaim!! The contradiction between what we say we want and what we experience, is a function of, you read correctly, false identification. The impact this has on our dissociated mind is staggering! As ego we want only what is best for its survival, and that is pain, suffering, loss and death because that is what assures us the body and world are real. If we want peace, which is synonymous with truth, we must confront a powerful contradiction in our thinking. —- ⁶When you think you are projecting what you do not want, it is still because you do want it (ACIM, T-12.VII.7:6)

On the one hand we believe we want peace, and a life free of pain, suffering, loss and death. However, as long as we believe we are a body, separate from our brothers who are one with us, we will follow the dictates of our ego. We will be attracted to pain, suffering, loss and death because they establish the body’s reality. And it is this we will defend, at the cost of everything we say we want. In Chapter 19, The Obstacle to Peace, the Course helps us to see that we do not want peace, and that we are attracted to pain, suffering and death. Clearly our experience attests to this fact! Our dedication is to the ego dream figure we made, not to peace, love and unity of purpose. Those attributes are inherent in the Self we are denying, in Spirit: the truth of Who We Are.

The Course helped me look at the truth behind the ego myth of being a separate, independent individual. By examining my experience carefully I realized, contrary to being independent, I have been the willing slave of the ego which I made and now believe made me. My “individual” self is an illusion, a dream figure acting out the script written by the voice I chose to listen to.  (See model-of-mind chart) Denying we are the dreamer of the dream, we now believe we are the victim of our own dream. The “world” is cause and we are its effect. —-The slave of idols is a willing slave. ²For willing he must be to let himself bow down in worship to what has no life, and seek for power in the powerless. ³What happened to the holy Son of God that this could be his wish; to let himself fall lower than the stones upon the ground, and look to idols that they raise him up? ⁴Hear, then, your story in the dream you made, and ask yourself if it be not the truth that you believe that it is not a dream (ACIM, T-29.IX.1:1-4)

Within the dream there is another Voice that we, observer, can listen to.—-⁷You will not make decisions by yourself whatever you decide. ⁸For they are made with idols or with God. ⁹And you ask help of anti-Christ or Christ, and which you choose will join with you and tell you what to do. (ACIM, T-30.I.14:7-9). — The only freedom we have in the dream-world we experience is the choice between dreams of slavery or freedom; fear or peace. The Course is teaching us how to access the Voice for peace within us and hear Its script which leads to peaceful, loving experiences. The situations and circumstances may appear to be the same in form, but their meaning, and therefore our experience, will be very different.— You will first dream of peace, and then awaken to it. ²Your first exchange of what you made for what you want is the exchange of nightmares for the happy dreams of love. (ACIM, T-13.VII.9:1-2)

The Course, though simple, is not easy. It has the difficult task of teaching our fragmented mind what we do not want to learn.   —.  How simple is salvation! ²All it says is what was never true is not true now, and never will be. ³The impossible has not occurred, and can have no effects. ⁴And that is all. ⁵Can this be hard to learn by anyone who wants it to be true? ⁶Only unwillingness to learn it could make such an easy lesson difficult (ACIM, T-31.I.1:1-6)

Perception is a choice and not a fact!! —Loss is not loss when properly perceived. ²Pain is impossible. ³There is no grief with any cause at all. ⁴And suffering of any kind is nothing but a dream. ⁵This is the truth, at first to be but said and then repeated many times; and next to be accepted as but partly true, with many reservations. ⁶Then to be considered seriously more and more, and finally accepted as the truth. ⁷I can elect to change all thoughts that hurt. ⁸And I would go beyond these words today, and past all reservations, and arrive at full acceptance of the truth in them. (ACIM, W-284.1:1-8)

If we can’t trust the truth, what, dear friends, can we trust, surely not illusions!!!

In gratitude and love,

Caryl

PS: I highly recommend Foundation for Inner Peace new audio experience of ACIM. Download the APP and give it a go! And as always, please reach out to me directly with any questions or comments related to this essay or any of my essays at: carylbrowne@gmail.com.